Questions for the week of March 6

Series: Threesome: Me, You and God
Message: The Myths of Marriage

Opening
Review announcements and open with prayer and singing, if someone wants to lead and the group is on board.

We are taking a March Break.  Most groups will resume after break and continue through the last week in April.  Please be clear on what your group decides for this Spring.  We will be offering several courses at the Ministry Centre starting the last week in March.

Learn It: Busting Marriage Myths!  (From “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts,” Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott)

Myth # 1: We have the same expectations from marriage.
Think about your box of experiences and expectations that you bring into marriage.  Name some of the most significant ones...

• Name the unnamed rules you expect your spouse to follow  (Never show up late, sort the recyclables, hang up your coat...)
• Maybe even come up with your own “Top Ten List” of rules that you would like to be followed in the home.

• Name the unnamed roles you expect you and your spouse to fulfill (the Driver, the Bill-Payer, the Gift-Buyer...)
• Try to define the Top Three roles for each spouse.

Myth #2: Everything Good Gets Better; Everything Bad Disappears
Marriage is filled with wonderful blessings, but perhaps even more responsibilities.  What are some of the hard realities of life together?  How do you deal with disappointments and let-downs?

In marriage we change: from newlyweds, to first time parents, to empty nesters, and numerous stages in between.  How will you navigate the changes in marriage, in your spouse, and in yourself?

Marriage does not make life “happily ever after.”  We still experience pain, suffering, brokenness and sin.  What do you do with the hard reality that marriage doesn’t fix everything?  What do you do with a spouse that wants you to fix everything wrong in his/her life?

Sometimes couples need therapy.  But many find that marriage is itself a kind of therapy, helping us to examine, understand and improve ourselves.  Share examples of how marriage has been therapy for you...

Myth # 3: My Spouse Completes Me

• Enmeshed Relationships are characterized by an over reliance on your spouse, low self-esteem, and one overly dominant partner.
• Disengaged Relationships are characterized by two highly independent spouses living in isolation.  These persons also suffer from low self-esteem.
• Interdependent Relationships find a health balance of self-respect, respect for your spouse, and a commitment nurture one another in life and faith.

How would you characterize yourself, and if married, your spouse and your marriage?  Are you truly a “Threesome” marriage?

Final Thought: If you only do one thing as a couple to improve  do this: pray.

Close with a time of prayer for one another.

Questions for February 27

Opening
Review announcements and open with prayer and singing, if someone wants to lead and the group is on board. 

Learn It
Read Ephesians 5:21-33 to start your discussion...

Busting Marriage Myths!  (From “Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts,” Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott)

Myth # 1: We have the same expectations from marriage.

• Think about your box of experiences and expectations that your bring into marriage.  Name some of the most significant ones...
• Name the unnamed rules you expect your spouse to follow  (Never show up late, sort the recyclables, hang up your coat...)
• Maybe even come up with your own “Top Ten List” of rules that you would like to be followed in the home.

• Name the unnamed roles you expect you and your spouse to fulfill (the Driver, the Bill-Payer, the Gift-Buyer...)
• Try to define the Top Three roles for each spouse.

Myth #2: Everything Good Gets Better in Marriage

• Marriage is filled with wonderful blessings, but perhaps even more responsibilities.  What are some of the hard realities of life together?  How do you deal with disappointments and let-downs?
• In marriage we change: from newlyweds, to first time parents, to empty nesters, and numerous stages in between.  How will you navigate the changes in marriage, in your spouse, and in yourself?

Myth # 3: Everything Bad Disappears After Marriage

• Marriage does not make life “happily ever after.”  We still experience pain, suffering, brokenness and sin.  What do you do with the hard reality that marriage doesn’t fix everything?
• What do you do with a spouse that wants you to fix everything wrong in his/her life?
• Sometimes couples need therapy.  But many find that marriage is itself a kind of therapy, helping us to examine, understand and improve ourselves.  Share examples of how marriage has been therapy for you...

Myth # 4: My Spouse Completes Me

1. Enmeshed Relationships are characterized by an over reliance on your spouse, low self-esteem, and one overly dominant partner.
2. Disengaged Relationships are characterized by two highly independent spouses living in isolation.  These persons also suffer from low self-esteem.
3. Interdependent Relationships find a health balance of self-respect, respect for your spouse, and a commitment nurture one another in life and faith.

• How would you characterize yourself, and if married, your spouse and your marriage?

Close with a time of prayer for one another.

Questions for February 20

Message: "What is Marriage?"

Opening
Review announcements and open with prayer and singing, if someone wants to lead and the group is on board. 

Learn It
Our verse summarizes the heart of Christian relationships: 
“... a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” ~ Ecc 4:12

This series will explore biblical teachings on weaving God into all aspects of our relationships.  Last week we started at the beginning: how do we get into a Christ-centered, God-honoring relationship?  This week we get into the meaning of marriage in the bible.

• Ask those who have been married the longest tell the story of how they meet, fell in love, and got married.

Read Genesis 1:27-28, 2:18-25

• What does the creation story teach us about marriage? 
• What is the purpose and meaning of marriage?

The church calls marriage a “covenant.”  The formula for “cutting” a covenant was as follows:

1. First, the covenant is initiated by the greater of the two parties.  Usually between a king, and other.
2. Second, the history between the two parties was stated.
3. Third, the party in power sets the terms of the covenant.
4. Fourth, the two parties take their vows.
5. Fifth, blessings and curses from keeping or breaking the covenant are stated.
6. Finally, the covenant is sealed, most often with the sacrifice of animals.  This is why it making a covenant was called “Cutting a covenant.”

Read Genesis 15 and look for all six movements.

Review these movements found in most wedding ceremonies:

1. First, the processional and “invocation.”
2. Second, the declaration on the purpose of marriage: That God has given us marriage that two maybe become one, that families are formed, that we have a living example of Christ’s love for us, and for us to love, in our spouse.
3. Third, the preaching of the Word.
4. Fourth, the vows are exchanged and a symbol of the covenant given, traditionally rings.
5. Fifth, the marriage blessing.
6. Finally, the kiss, introduction of couple, and recessional.

Discussion:

• How can an understanding of covenants help us to understand marriage?
• What help or advice can your group give to those who are single?
• What help can your group give to newly weds?
• What help can be given to those with children?
• What help can be given to those widowed or newly single?
• Is there hope for marriage in our culture, or is this a religious relic of the past.
• Is marriage a “creational institution” that will withstand the tests of time and culture?

If your group has question on more specific issues pertaining to marriage review 1 Corinthians 7.

Live It
Close with a time of prayer with and for one another.

Questions for February 13

Series: "Threesome: Me, You and God"
Message: "3Harmony"

Opening
Review announcements and open with prayer and singing, if someone wants to lead and the group is on board.

It’s Valentine’s weekend.  Maybe a few folks can share a fond memory of the holiday. 

Learn It
Our verse summarizes the heart of Christian relationships: 
“... a cord of three strands is not easily broken.” ~ Ecc 4:12

This series will explore biblical teachings on weaving God into all aspects of our relationships.  Today we start at the beginning: how do we get into a Christ-centered, God-honoring relationship?
Have a couple or two share about how they “found” each other, fell in love, and got married.

1 Corinthians 7 is a massive chapter dealing with marriage.
If your group leaders desire, read the passage and pick it apart.  There is a ton of information, and controversial stuff-  just warning you!
 
One key verse is,  “... those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that.” 1 Corinthians 7:28

• Would you agree or disagree with this, and why?

Discuss the “Five Core Compatibilities”:

1. Spiritual Compatibility (2 Corinthians 6:14)

• Did you have this kind of compatibility with with your spouse?  Were you at a very different place in your relationship with God when you were first married?
• If you are currently dating or engaged, have you talked about this?  If not, how can you bring this into the relationship?
• If there is not “Spiritual Compatibility,” are you willing to make changes and deal with this discrepancy?

2. Communication Compatibility. (Ephesians 5:31-33)

• How is your communication?  Rate it on a scale from “horrible to great.”
• If you have great communication skills share with the group how that has grown, and why is it so important.
• How do you handle conflict and arguments?  Seek wisdom from the bible and the group as you process this together.
• Check out Ephesians 4:25-32 for more good direction.

3. Character Compatibility. (1 Peter 1:13-15)

• You have to talk about character issues as you see them in your spouse/partner.  This is not easy.  How have approached this sensitive and critical issue in the past?
• What would you instinctively say are the most important character issues for the survival of any relationship?  List, and discuss.

4. Value Compatibility. (2 Corinthians 7:1)

• Do you know what you value, and how you want to live life?  Have you talked about this with your partner?
• What would a map of your values look like, as an individual, and as a couple?

5. Sexual Compatibility. (1 Corinthians 7:4-5)

• We’ll look more closely at sexuality and the Christian world view in 3 weeks.  The bible affirms that God invented sex and has a plan for sex: It is part of a marriage covenant, for mutual fulfillment and making babies. 
• If your group still has time you can discuss the role and importance of physical attraction and sexual fulfillment in marriage. 

Live It
Close with a time of prayer with and for one another.